Monday, September 22, 2008

And now's it's time for -Bizzare Thoughts with Mary Beavers

I have a couple of friends that are either doing the Internet dating thing or are seriously thinking of it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not here to bash it at all. It may not be for least not yet...but I have to say I have thought about it. I wonder, how specific can you be on those things? If I were to sign up there would be certain critera I would look for. Perhaps the most important would be his last name. I'm pretty sure at this point I would want it to be McGee. You have to admit it's a pretty cool last name. I'd prefer if he wanted lots and lots of see, some of my friends have had their children's names (so really none of them have had kids yet...but you know, future kids...or whatever) picked out for a really long time. I could only think of one or two names I liked. I always liked names that were a little different. That's when I thought of marrying someone whose last name is McGee...
Think of all the possibilities.

-Crazy Eyed McGee
-Long-Legged McGee
(or if we produce short kids) -Short-Legged McGee
-Knobby Kneed McGee
-Stinky McGee

And why limit it to looks or smells, let's go for personality:

-Smarty Pants McGee
-Bump on a Log McGee
-Funny Bones McGee
-Grumpy Pants McGee

When you think about it, the possibilities are limitless...

Oh, one more characteristic I'd be looking for in a potential match. He's got to be crazy enough to be crazy enough about me...

Thursday, September 11, 2008

You Know You're FROM the Country When...

Okay notice I did not post the title as You Know You're Country's FROM the country people. I ain't cuntry (um that's a joke so I hope you all picked up on that).

So I was driving home tonight from Lifegroup and was almost home. I took the back road toward my apartment which looks very much like a country road. For those of you reading this and have never been on a country road (isn't this where I would insert the phrase, Bless your heart???) this is what it looks like. Imagine two sidewalks side by side...with no edges. Now, insert a pot hole in one of three places (your "side", their "side", and the middle) at least every 15 feet. Police have a very hard time discerning drunk people on a country road because you must naturally weave in order not to bottom out or ruin your tires. However, I digress. So I'm driving on this smallish road and I come over the hill for the last little stretch before some "genius" decided to widen the road 25 feet before it ends. I notice something on the side of the road. This is where my country skills come into play. (When you've grown up in the country your eyes are used to scanning the road and beyond so that you don't run into a deer, though my friend Nikki "swears" the deer ran into her...sure. I mean, I'm not the one who murdered the turtle. But that's another story.) I noticed that there was a particular slithery companion to my right. Now those of you that know me, know I HATE snakes...and when I say hate I mean abhor. They give me the creeps, always have and probably always will. When I was in Africa who saw more snakes than anyone? That's

So what do I do you ask? Well, I naturally swerve towards the snake. Did I hit it? It was only about 2 feet long. A fairly small snake. These thoughts cross my mind. Now I know what a lot of you are thinking, but the evidence of living in the city must be rubbing off because to answer your unasked question, no. I did not put the car in reverse, just enough to see if I hit it, peel out on it's coiled up body and back up to do it again and again until I was sure that I have killed it. This is what we country folks are taught to do. We've all seen our parents do it, my friend Janet's mom must have driven over this one dumb snake 15 times...if he didn't die from the tire crunching his body into the gravel he probably died from boredom watching her drive over and over him. Back and forth, back and forth, while we all stared. Even from a distance we knew what she was doing. You could tell the country people there...we all caught each other's eye and shook our heads...another snake...then do one of two things: Go back to what you were doing (we making s'mores at the campfire) or walk up to where the vehicle is and make VERY certain the snake is dead. Possible by poking it several times with a long stick.

Sometimes there's just not much to do on a Saturday night in the country...a snake on the road can certainly liven things up.

*Please do not play with live or dead snakes if you are unfamiliar with them. Even if you are familiar with them please...just drive to the nearest town with lights...they're sure to have a movie may cost more (depending on the amount of gas you waste on running down that snake) but I guarantee your date will be more impressed with the movie.

**no snakes were harmed in the writing of this story.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Can't believe I'm posting this...April 16, 2008

Two days ago I was at my friend Nikki's house and she was showing me
some of her clothes (that she never wears anymore) and I saw the
cutest wrap dress. I began to exclaim how cute it was and she told me
I could borrow it, in fact, she told me I could keep it and if she ever
wanted to borrow it she would let me know. I was so excited because it
had been so long since I had worn a dress or found one that looked
good. I immediately grabbed it from her hands and carried it with me
until we left. I knew I would wear it the next day (despite the
weather!). It's that stretchy material (very forgiving) with a fairly
busy pattern (ALSO very forgiving!) and I put on a brown camisole so
as not to be too revealing. I was also sporting a pair of aqua
undies...but really, do you need to know everything?

I put on my brown wedges that should not be worn to walk 6 miles of
downtown Cincinnati in...but looked pretty cute with the dress. Diana
exclaimed how good everything looked...Randy (my boss) exclaimed that
it looked good and he liked the material. Even Matt said he liked it.
I was feeling pretty good that day my friend...pretty darn good.

I went home for lunch...touched up my hair...added some earrings I
hadn't had time to put on that morning...and headed back. Dropped off
people's taxes at the post office and then made my way over to the
office. 3:45 rolls around and it's time to take the mail. Now, I only
have to walk approximately 1 3/4 blocks to get to the mailbox...mayhem
struck when I got to the corner of Austin and Trinity. I had a good
hold of my dress on the left side, because that was where the wrap was
the most exposed...the wind had other plans.

I had the mail in my right hand, holding my dress in the left...the
wind whipped up behind me and to the right...catching the hem of my
dress just right and flipping it up somewhere around my chin as far as
I can remember. I pushed it down quickly and glanced around only to
see an old man getting into his truck and his wife looking right at

I walked calmly to the corner, deposited the mail in the postal
receptacle and grabbed hold of my dress with two good hands. Relieved
to see the truck gone when I crossed back over the street, I headed
straight for my building. The wind was now laughing at me and trying
it's best to recreate the situation I found myself in earlier...I got
three steps from my building and a grin forced itself onto my face...
made it to the door and giggles rose up in my chest. I sat down and
had a good guffaw for at least 3 minutes...relating the story to my
colleagues as best I could... still makes me laugh, and I know now, next time I wear the
dress, to choose my undies more carefully...

God's Beauty

Written about a year or so ago on my way back from Ohio. I miss you Ohio people!!!
This story is not

There's always been something very fascinating to me about flying . I love it. Whenever I travel there are several things I like to do. First of all, I love to people watch in the airport. Where are these people going? Who have they been to see? Is their trip long or short? Have they just arrived or are they leaving?

The second thing I love about flying is actually flying. I love everything about it; like taking off. I love the way the plane gains speed, until you think you can't possibly be going any faster, and then suddenly, magically, the plane lifts off. It's front wheel first, then it's back wheels. Suddenly you're rising up into the sky and leaving the ground far behind. The plane begins to find its current and pretty soon all you see are squares of farms and homes and how tiny everything seems.

If I can manage, I always pick a seat with a window. I've never understood people who wanted the isle seat. I want to see, to feel, like I'm flying. I've always thought, if I couldn't be a human, I'd like to be a bird. I love looking out the window and wondering about the places I'm going or places I'd like to go. I like to remember places I've been and the feeling of new experiences and that sweet, sweet feeling of coming home after a long, long time.

This past weekend I spent with my friend Sheri in Ohio. We had a great weekend and I wasn't particularly ready to come home but my flight was already scheduled and I had to work the next day. So, I boarded my flight, found seat 14F and pulled out a book I had been casually reading.

Usually I will read until the plane starts to taxi, watch and feel the take off (grinning like an idiot because I love the feeling so much). Look around for a bit and then dig into my book, putting it down as we begin the descent and watching the landing. Pack my book and wait to deplane. This is usually my process. Not so on Monday, September 3rd, 2007. (Incidentally, 3 years to the date of my departure from Africa-this seriously has NOTHING to do with my story, I just thought it was interestingly coincidental.)

I got as far as pulling the book out of my bag and putting it in my lap. I didn't want to open it so I looked out the window at the guy checking the wings and doing the final cross-checks. I just couldn't gather up the energy to pick up the book and read until taxiing began. I stared out the window and cat napped a bit. We started to taxi and I could feel the excitement start. I began to encourage the plane. Albeit, quietly as to not frighten the passenger to my left. "Come on, you can do it", "faster, we'll need more speed, let's go baby, let's go!" "You got this now, take off, come on, up!" Then that stupid grin hit my face…we were flying. Actually flying, soaring through the air in a hot metal tube. I began to think how great it was that God allowed man to invent airplanes that we could see what it's like to soar.

I quickly became lost in my thoughts and my book lay forgotten on my lap. I cat napped some more, got my beverage and just kept looking out the window. I began seriously thinking of taking out my camera and getting a few pictures of the clouds, they were amazing, but I thought the strange girl next to me would think I had lost it so I left it where it was.

I began to take pleasure in how beautiful the clouds were. Some were flat like a lake of mist, others were mountainous and majestic. I felt like a hobbit who had wandered out of his hole to find the entirety of Elrond's kingdom at my feet. I started thanking God for all he had created, that he could design such beauty for me…but instead of feeling all mushy inside and relishing in God's love for me, I began to see the truth. Those beautiful clouds, the darkest caves in the world, the depths of the sea may never be seen by mankind. We may never see all the beauty God created. Why? Why did he create it if we weren't meant to see it? Because of simply this, beauty wasn't created for you or for me. Beauty was created for God. Everything God created was for Him and for His glory. Not for my enjoyment, not for my pleasure, but for God's enjoyment, for God's pleasure. But you see, we were created in God's image and so we appreciate beauty just as God does. The best part? God created beautiful things and God created us. We can revel in God's creation as beautiful because it reflects the very nature of God. No matter what, God will always be glorified. It doesn't take you or I to lift his name up and declare His praise. He's already done that. God's glory doesn't depend upon you or I acknowledging it. It just is.

God is beauty and he creates it. For Himself.

The Lord reigns, He is clothed with majesty; the Lord is robed, He has girded Himself with strength and power; the world also is established, that it cannot be moved.

Your throne is established from of old; You are from everlasting.

The floods have lifted up, O Lord, the floods have lifted up their voice; the floods lift up the roaring of their waves.

The Lord on high is mightier and more glorious than the noise of many waters, yes, than the mighty breakers and waves of the sea.

Your testimonies are very sure; holiness [apparent in separation from sin, with simple trust and hearty obedience] is becoming to Your house, O Lord, forever.

Psalm 93 (Amplified Bible)

I suppose I'll always choose that window seat if I can because I know that next flight, God has something else he wants to reveal to me about Himself.

More Stories From the Past -August 28,2007

I'd like to tell you about my morning..unforthunatley I'm a little hard to unersthand...

Okay kiddies...let me tell you WHY it's important to floss. First of all - who wants to see someone walking around with things stuck in that person's teeth? No one...but the second reason is as follows:

Flossing can prevent cavities...

Oh, we've heard it all our lives, at least those who were brave enough to make it to the dentist at least twice a year, (I know what you're thinking, some of us were dragged - never given the choice) but sometimes, when you're told something so many times-it still doesn't compute. Now women, I know what you're thinking, "I thought only men were prone to this, 'you've told me 15 times but I never heard you' syndrome". It's not true (okay well, it's mostly true). And I'll tell you why, I didn't listen. Perhaps I should restate that and say, I never heard.

I go to the dentist twice a year, I brush my teeth and use mouthwash but flossing was never a priority. Oh sure, I get something stuck in my teeth and I use floss to get it out. But I wasn't what you'd call a daily flosser. As you all know, I got a new job about 6 months ago.(Okay so now it's been more like a year and 6 months ago...) Of course insurance came with the job so I went through the task of switching everything around. I learned that while I had dental insurance, it wasn't the same plan, hence, a new dentist. Now, I've had the same dentist for about 3 years (not counting time spent in the bush of West Africa) and my sister-in-law is a dental hygienist so I was used to the routine. I loved my dentist (as much as anyone can love a man - or woman - who digs around in your mouth and asks you questions that require paragraph answers while shoving three more cotton balls in your mouth - just to even out the baker's dozen that are already there).

I'm not going to mention my new dentist's name, though he's a nice enough guy and did a good job. This story is not about the job he did...this is about my inability to handle the numbing procedure and learning to floss.

A few weeks ago I went to the dentist. My first visit to my new dentist. I just needed a regular cleaning and felt pretty confident that I would be in and out in no time. The girl cleaning my teeth was nice enough, she thought she was funnier than she was, but she did a pretty good job. She then asks if I'm flossing. "Sure." I tell her, cause I have been flossing, every time I feel like I have something stuck in my teeth, I floss. She kind of gives me a look and then keeps going. I'm thinking, "whew, that was close, but I guess I sure fooled her.". Think again Mary...she calls the dentist in for the final examination and to look at my x-rays. He starts with "oh my goodness" and 4 cavities later I'm wondering whose x-ray this woman got mixed up with mine. No such luck...I knew there were a few teeth my old dentist was "keeping and eye on" but for crying out loud FOUR?!?! The dentist asks me, "are you drinking cokes?" "no", "are you drinking sweet tea all the time?" "no", "are you flossing?" this one I couldn't quite avoid easily, but the answer was, "not really". He had to know, I'm pretty sure the hygienist tattled on me before he ever got into the room. Well, I was through for the day but had rescheduled my fillings

I got up this morning and got ready, came to work and worked until 8:50 and then I left for my appointment. I got there and they got me in the chair quickly. Now, I could go into hilarious detail about the events leading up to and following my procedure but, frankly, I don't have that much time. (Maybe next time, he only did half the cavities today, in two weeks I'll be going through all this again) Let's just say he used the needle I was numbed...and will probably still be feeling the effects of being numb when you all see me tonight. I couldn't answer the phone the first few hours I got back into the office because Cox-Springer sounded more like Cox-thpringer Finansal Advizors. I'm hungry as heck (because I ran out of time for breakfast this morning) and it's 12:30. I've spent my lunch writing this story because I CAN'T EAT ANYTHING. I'm afraid I'd bite my tongue off and not know it...

Why do I tell you this? Because flossing is important. It's strange what we'll do to prevent what we know is already going to happen. I'll have you know, I flossed every day after that first appointment until today, somehow I was hoping they would see the excellent job I had done by flossing every day for 2 weeks and decide my cavities had gone away. No such luck...Does that mean that I will stop flossing, you can bet your gums I WON'T! I've learned a valuable lesson...unfortunately, the hard way.

I hope you're all having a fabulous day and remember, before you go to bed tonight, FLOSS!

This was written about a year ago but I figured it was funny enough for you to endure. Consequently - the second visit to the dentist was worse than the first. Apparently when they hit a nerve with the anesthetic your face swells up like someone who's been in the ring with Mike Tyson (though my ear was still intact when I left the dentist office). All the more incentive to floss...hahahaha....yeah.

In Another Life

I am now fully convinced that in another life, perhaps with a different family heritage, I would be a thin person.

If you ask some of my friends, they will tell you I get a little weird when it comes to food. Just this past weekend, in fact, I was at a restaurant with a friend and he stared at me like I was crazy when I told him I would figure out how they made this butter if it was the last thing I did. I love tasting new things and trying to figure out the spices and/or herbs used.

Yes. I love food. I love cooking and baking food, I love eating and trying new foods. I come by it honestly. My mother is a fabulous cook. Her mother was superb. I can only imagine it goes back for generations. Although my father's specialty is pork chops and stewed potatoes with an occasional can of Ranch Style Beans (BLAH!) his mother was one of the best dessert cooks whose food I'd ever had the pleasure of tasting. Our family gathers around food. Perhaps that’s what makes it more special to me.

Some volunteers help us celebrate the 4th of July - Pig Roasting Time!

According to my friends my taste is diverse. For those of you that are like me - it's hard to find people who will venture further. (Okay, Janet is willing, Krista at least likes Greek, Nikki's getting better.) My best eating out friend is Andrew. And although I feel like our friendship is mostly held together by our love of Indian food, I'm okay with that. Still, you will find me testing the waters of my friend's appetites from time to time with a gentle suggestion that, a really good sushi place is right over there, or mmmmm Indian food sounds good doesn't it? If we get Lebanese you can watch the belly dancer...

Perhaps even more than eating good food (perhaps), I enjoy cooking good food. My family has labeled me the adventurous cook but I've held back even for them. Maybe it's the thought that Fall is officially three weeks away that has me thinking of baking, I don't know. Texas is hot until at least the end of September. Still, I'm about ready to dig out my Pumpkin Bread recipe. I also have some spicy Indian recipes that I've printed off and they are looking very tempting.

The Failes and I enjoy our varied cusine at a restaurant in Bolgatanga.

This post has absolutely NO purpose except that I love talking about food. Maybe it's even an invitation to say, if you love trying new things and would like to try, Indian, West African, Moroccan, or whatever kind of food let me know. We'll have a dinner party. Also if you have any great recipes that you love making in the Fall let me know. If you're looking for more specific ideas, my friend Kari has some fabulous ones on her blog

Yes, perhaps I’ll always struggle with those extra 30 pounds I’m quite sure the camera adds…but when I think of the alternative, of not enjoying food and friends, I can’t help but think it’s worth it.