Saturday, August 30, 2008

This past week I recently heard Dr. Kevin Elko speak. For those of you who don't know Dr. Elko he is a nationally renowned Performance Consultant and Professional Motivational Speaker. (Matt Foley step aside!) He works with companies all over the U.S and is probably even more well known for his work with sports teams, specifically football (American Football that is). You can read his biography if you'd like I simply wanted to preface this story with his credentials so you don't think I'm listening to just anyone.

Dr. Elko told us; Your wealth is your time, not your money. This resonated with me. He said, it has to happen before it can happen (meaning visualize) and I got it. Then he said, You don't attract what you want, you attract what you are...I got worried.

About six months ago I was shopping in Hobby Lobby with my mom. We were looking at several different things and I decided to stop by the frames and see if there were any good deals. As I'm perusing the aisles a woman looks at me. I smile and keep looking at all the different kinds of frames. She must have thought this was an invitation to tell me all about her life. She starts out simply with telling me about the better deals at another store. However, before I know it she's telling me about her family. Her daughter who married a guy she doesn't like but that's okay cause they're getting divorced. Then moves on to her grandson who is apparently ADHD and has hair so long she thinks he looks like a girl. And did you know what her daughter decided to do? She's going to homeschool him...because he really doesn't do well at school. and let me show you a picture of him (this is no lie, the woman searches for a good 3 minutes and then pulls out an old school pic...what the hee haw am I supposed to say?). She mentions about four or five times the homeschooling part. I guess just waiting for me to tell her how horrible homeschooling is (he he he he....yeah....). I kept quiet the entire time. Politely; wowing, nodding and mhhming at all the right spots. Meanwhile my feet are plotting an escape route. She must have anticipated my next 5 moves! I take tiny steps to the left...she follows me...tiny steps to the right...guess who's there? I repeat this thinking it must be a fluke, then 1 or 2 large steps wasn't. If there was anyone who didn't understand body language it was this woman. My mom walks by twice and then moves on. It's been about 15 minutes at this point and I've stopped listening to what she's even saying. She finally wraps it up and then thanks me for listening to her. I tell her, sure. Say good-bye to her and the last 15 minutes of my life and find my mom. She asks me, who was that? LOL I have no idea! We shook our heads and then moved on.

About 3 months ago...
I just finished heating up my lunch and I brought it to the front to eat at my desk as I normally do when I bring my lunch. (Some days I go home and make lunch...) I had a bowl of salad and leftover chicken curry that I had made on Saturday. I see a lady looking around in the hall and I knew what was coming. People don't simply read the posted signs or walk down the hall and find the office they are looking for...they think, "hey, I'll just ask this lady who looks like she has nothing better to do than direct me where I should have known where I was going in the first place..." you follow me so far? Yeah, so this lady sure enough opens the door and asks, "Is there a bathroom on this floor?". My first thought is to tell her we don't have bathrooms in the building but have been using the outhouses in the parking lot graciously supplied by the road crew. However, I direct her to the end of the hall where she would have found the bathroom had she even bothered to look. I'm thinking this is the end of the conversation and she should be able to figure it out. But no, she then audaciously asks me, "what are you eating?" At this point...I'm trying to think if I've ever seen this lady in my life and if so...why is she here asking me about bathrooms and my lunch? I told her "chicken curry" hoping that the general *Weatherfordian bias against food of diversity will throw her off and she'll curl her lip and say, "oh" and keep on going...part 1 of my plan works and she gives a negative answer and giggles all the way down the hall. However, I didn't expect to throw her off as much as I did. She comes back down the hall after making use of our facilities and pokes her head BACK into the room and begins to talk again! She starts explaining about her rotator -cuff surgery and how she's had it twice and neither worked and now she's gained 40 pounds since then from the steroids but she's lost 23 but maybe she should be eating chicken curry too cause I look pretty thin (good thing I have a massive desk to hide 3/4 of my body) and she needs to lose some more weight...she somehow ends the conversation and leaves and I'm left thinking, "chicken curry makes you skinny?". At this point I realize that she has NO CLUE what chicken curry even is. The thought to chase her down and give her the facts doesn't even appeal to me because I know I'd be wasting my time. I let her go and probably sat there for a good minute or two in stunned silence as I realized I had let yet another stranger takes minutes away from me in useless conversation.

I don't know what this means for me as a person. If I attract what I am and not what I want then I obviously have a lot of changes to make.

*Mary apologizes for any generalizations made about Weatherfordians, but in her experience this is a true statement.

**Please also note that if you are a complete stranger to me and stop me in the store or at work to tell me about your problems or life in general I am now charging a session fee subject to varying rates depending on time and life dificulty.

Going Back in Time - August 21, 2007

I feel you need some background about the dangerous work I do. For those of you with access to may have read's funny enough to read again...

So, today, while doing some filing, I was almost killed. The harrowing thought even now fills my mind and body with dread. Many people are unaware of the dangers of filing. This blog is here to unveil those horrors...
Paper cuts
Dry cuticles
Smashed fingers
these are all things people think about when they hear of filing accidents...but I'm here today to tell you...there's one thing they don't want you to thing they hope you'll never find out...that the rare but exotically perilous, tipping file cabinet, is real. I hope you never meet it or even glimpse in it's direction...if you ever do, I pray you make it out alive...not many people do. I was one of those lucky few...
I was rearranging files because I was tired of shoving and stuffing them where they didn't want to go. I had had enough of the paper cuts and torn cuticles. I was on a mission to make my job easier. I worked with speed and agility, moving, rearranging, straightening. I was working backwards from Z and had almost reached the A section. I had two drawers open as to easily assist in moving the files when all of the sudden, while I wasn't looking, the drawer below the two already open began to slowly slide out...before I knew it the entire cabinet tipped toward me and the drawers began to reach the extension limit, my life flashed before my eyes quickly, it resembled the water bottle and binders that had been stacked on top of the cabinet that was now headed for my body. With cat-like reflexes I threw out my hand and became wedged between the wall and the tipped cabinet. Somehow, even my legs had become a brace. A small yelp escaped from my lips and Diana and Matt were at my side in a flash - like super heroes. Luckily I had already started to move the cabinet back into place...I'm not saying that I'm strong, or even that I'm invincible...all I know is that you can do impossible things when circumstances tell you otherwise...

About To Be Making Up For Lost Time

Finally, finally...Internet at home. Yes, that's correct. After two years in the same place I've decided to finally have Internet installed. What obviously comes next with this with extra Internet time? A blog. A drivel story about my life...and yet, here you are reading it. I feel as if I need to make up for lost time. Stories written in the past and no where to post. Pictures, processes and positively boring observations brought to you with a somewhat risible twist. May you find my life more interesting than I.